Tag Archives: reflection

2016 Reflection…

young-woman-reflection

Mmmmm, I don’t know how many out there will actually be glad to see the end of this year – what I do know is I would like to bury 2016 in a deep hole, fill it with concrete & cover the concrete with lead so that it never sees the light of day again.

A lot has happened this year.  As with every year I suppose, but usually when it hits this time of year I can say “it wasn’t TOO bad” when I look back.  This year, however I hit rock bottom & it was not a place that I wanted to stay, or for that matter; ever see again.

Depression is still quite a taboo thing.

“Just go outside”

“Do what you love”

“Smile, you’ll feel better”

Uhhh.  No.  If those things worked, I wouldn’t have found myself in the Doctors office bawling my eyes out at absolutely nothing – scratch that – an overwhelming sense of panic, fear, uselessness & generally feeling like a piece of shit.

I feel better now, but I should have sought help much earlier than I did – thinking about throwing yourself in front of a moving train is, like a massive warning signal that something isn’t right with your brain chemistry.

Despite what efforts I made (they were minimal, I’ll admit but anyway) the gym became a place that was no longer comfortable to me. I no longer associated lifting with happiness & that was hard. Something that had become so intrinsically intertwined with my life was shoved to the depths of the clutter cupboard to gather dust.  I wish it hadn’t, but I can’t go back & change it – however who knows what my gym relationship would be like now if I’d have continued to go.  That’s irrelevant now.

What I DID do though, was got some new qualifications:

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lvhylv

I finished my Sport Nutrition course in August & received a distinction in management a few months later. I’ve got another course to complete in Neurolinguistic Programming, but I’ll be honest -I’ve dragged my heels with that one a little. I’ll complete it, but it’s gonna take a while.

The last few weeks I’ve begun to think about what I want to achieve next year – I’m part of a social media groups that celebrates women & all they’re capable of – regardless on fitness level, body size or even choice of exercise, these ladies inspire me daily & without them, I might have even chosen to never go back to the gym.  Just knowing they’re there gives me a desire to come out at the end of 2017 & be fucking FIERCE! To show myself that I really can do what I set my mind to, but also to not berate & chastise myself if I get ill or injured & be unable to train.

I’ve even wrote my own programme, but “life” (not relevant to my blog) has been a preventative issue for gym times, but I intend to change that when the gym reopens on Tuesday.

I’m also going back to physio, as my time out of the gym has seen some issues resurface – more about that next time I blog!

 

 


It’s Been A Year

As you know I am a fan of timehop (I have no shame) and recently, it told me it’s been a year since I started training with Andy.  So, what have I learned over the past 12 months?

(FYI, this blog post was gonna go a different way, but I’ve settled on this route)

OK, so you all know by now the reason behind me training.  If not, it’s in my about section.  Anyway, let’s get on with it;

Progress is not A to B

If the main thing I have learned over the last year is that getting to where you wish to be isn’t as simple as drawing a straight line & walking it.  It’s more like a spirograph pattern; or it has been for me.  I knew it wasn’t going to be the easiest thing I’ve done but I probably wasn’t ready for how many zigs, zags and loop-de-loops I was gonna have.  Some were my own doing, others were pit stops that were not by choice.

  1. I got a pretty large tattoo on my thigh that was two sittings – total time away from the gym: 2 weeks
  2. Fell off my bike, broke my nose – Total time away: erffh, a week then my training dipped when my confidence was shot
  3. Fell of my bike (again) smashed my cheek & eye – Total time away: Honestly, cannot remember.
  4. Tired/Lacking dedication/Pissed off – More times than I’d like to count
  5. PT off – Not often, but I tended to be quite lackadaisical if I knew Andy wasn’t in in the earlier stages
  6. Hospital appointments – Because of my spine, I go to Spinal Clinic every few months & it always tends to be on a training day, then I wasn’t allowed to train after my most recent spinal.

So, if you took out all the time off, I’ve not been training for a year but lets not be pedantic; it is how it is. I’ve stopped beating myself up for the times I’ve not been to the gym.

Food is extremely important

I’ve not really been one for diets, I did keto/Dukan a few years back but the weight I lost whilst doing it came back once I stopped. I’d also not really thought about what I was eating, then started cycling and Andy told me to be more aware on my food intake (I’m not gonna repeat too much, there’s plenty of posts on my blog about food)  it’s still a delicate balancing act, but now I know what I need to eat if I’m feeling a certain way.  Lack of veggies as an example seems to make me incredibly tired.

The media tells us that weight loss can only be achieved with eating “weight watchers” garbage & exercising; what they don’t explain is the more energy you’re expending, the more calories you need – eating too little can be as bad as eating too much & you’ll stagnate.  It really, really is a delicate balance – it took me 9 months & trying a few different things before I found a way of eating that works for me.

I’ve also stopped feeling awful if I’ve had “bad” food, one cookie or yoghurt or whatever isn’t going to make me gain back all the weight loss & I’m human, some days I just want a chunk of rocky road & goddamnit, I’m gonna eat it & it’s gonna taste FUCKING AMAZING!  (on a side note; it’s a mission of mine to somehow make something higher in protein/lower in sugar RR variation)

However, remember: There is no way to outrun a bad diet

My way is not your way

(this was the original point of this post)

There is no hard & fast correct way to train.  The person training for a marathon isn’t going to need to do the same thing as the person training for a physique contest. A lot of cardio is good for some & terrible for others & you are a dick for belittling someone else’s way of training (I will admit, I was a “cardio is for chumps” kind of person a few months ago, but I actually do an hour’s cardio a day, 5 days a week) the most important thing though, is to make sure you do whatever it is you’re doing correctly.

Learn. Learn. Learn!

It’s more than just going to the gym & using the machines, lifting weights, or whatever it is you’re doing.  I like to know why this method is better, or why I shouldn’t do certain things, and the names of the muscles I’m working, not just that feels weird on my shoulders, or whatever.  In the last year I’ve gained a massive amount of experience; I can look after a bike fairly well (ish, no comment!  😛 ) I know what types of food to eat, I can cook! sometimes, really fucking well. I’ve read up about muscle growth, bone formation, learned about correct footwear, posture and so on.  I’m only on the tip of the iceberg too!

Keep going!

If anything, this year has taught me that I am more capable of doing things than I thought. I’ve often thought of myself as broken.  The pain I endured most days was tiring, upsetting and most of all, frustrating.  Yes, I have had epidural injections to help stem the pain but I no longer want surgery (I actually met someone recently who had metal rods in her spine & was wheelchair bound due to the pain she was in, it was extremely humbling to know that I had once begged for similar surgery and the surgeons had decided an epidural was a more viable option for me)

I am. I can. I will.

A year’s progress in back images