Serotonin is a mood booster
Dopamine is a pleasure hormone
Endorphins block pain
Mine are broken. My mood is apathetic & my dopamine and endorphins have gone on holiday I think, or my remaining serotonin killed them before killing itself.
I’ve spent days trying to convince myself that talking about mental health is ok, and not a glorified excuse for attention (thanks, brain!) It feels almost wrong to discuss it freely, like it’s still a taboo & when people ask how you are, they don’t actually want to know; they’re just being polite – this is my current perception of people in general at the minute.
I have depression – a chemical imbalance in my brain that has essentially switched me off. You seen Inside Out? Where her core memories switch off? It’s kind like that….sort of. but not really. Everyone’s experience will vary & this is probably why I put off seeking help for as long as I did – if you read old posts on here, there’s definitely a few that have underlying tones of something not being *quite right* for me.
However, my blog is not a mental health blog – it’s about my journey through fitness/strength. I’m aware that you mindset has a lot to do with how you progress, which is the main point of this post……here comes the part that some may not agree with, however the perk of one’s own perceptions; amirite?
A while ago I wrote about how fitness quotes/memes for the most part irritate the living daylights out of me, I thought I’d gotten past that but I now know that I haven’t. They seem to trigger something in my brain that makes me irrationally anti-motivation. The buzz words that surround those whose lives are engulfed by the process of becoming stronger and leaner fill me with something that I cannot coherently explain. I want to scream and shout that not all people think that way & just by saying something doesn’t mean it’ll happen – regardless on what some “fitspo” instagrammer has told you, it simply isn’t the case.
- The difference between where you are & where you want to be is you!
- You can be it, if you believe it- you can achieve it
- Tell yourself you can & you will
- Focus on being positive
When I started my blog a little over a year ago I hated the above sentiments. However, my personal drive to improve myself meant I chose to ignore them, or sometimes I might have even possibly believed a few – there’s plenty of motivational posts on my blog. That doesn’t mean I’ve aimed them at anyone in particular, that’s just how I felt at that specific time….all the while there was a belligerent part of my brain screaming, silently into a pillow. NO. NO. NO.
No one ever seems to want to talk about what happens when the above sentiments are interpreted as hostile. I’ve been to the gym three times in three weeks. Do I care? No. Do I feel bad about it? No. Will reading positivity garbage on line help me get back into my gym routine? No.
I believe that I should be able to teleport to wherever I want to go…..Does that mean I can? No. What if I focus that I positively believe that it should be achievable, will that make it happen? No. SO WHY SPOUT THIS STUFF ONLINE?!
That seems a little extreme doesn’t it? Well, what about those who want to do something fitness related, who have tried in the past but given up for whatever reason. Is reading the positivity going to help someone who is in a dark place go back? I don’t think so.
I have a huge, huge vexation with telling people to be positive – you’re essentially forcing your discomfort of someone else’s unhappiness/numbness/apathy away & life doesn’t work like that. Ever told a boy that he shouldn’t cry? You’re forcing them to hide their emotions, to block the negativity that they feel instead of talking about it, or allowing them that moment to be vulnerable & at one with how they feel.
It’s ok to break.
It’s ok to not be happy.
It’s ok to not smile.
I’ve been hiding my mental state for probably longer than I’d like to admit. I’ve put my woes to a backburner & chose to forget about them, I’ve not acknowledged the spiral in my head & how lost I have felt at times & how I felt like I was drowning in a swathe of emotions that no one wanted to talk about.
I know the gym* & personal trainers are not a place for therapy or qualified to help you in dire times of distress – that’s what counsellors & shrinks are for. I’m also not saying that you should expect this kind of service from your fitness professionals, what I am saying is that “sucking it up” helps no one. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over again expecting different results – so even if you train enough to keep your dopamine & serotonin levels high, don’t neglect your feelings on an intimate, almost subconscious level. Showing the world you feel ok & actually being ok are two completely different things.
Also, if you ever tell someone that you feel sad/empty/upset and they tell you to smile, be positive & to get over it, take a hint from Bronson:
*The gym is a great place to destress & exercising can increase your dopamine levels but it’s not going to fix the issues inside your mind